


Like the Twisted Strands of Rope

by lemoninagin



Series: Informant Samba [4]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Canon-Typical Violence, Denial of Feelings, Doctor/Patient Roleplay Gone Wrong, Drinking, F/M, Izaya's thirst for massive horsecock continues, Izuo - Freeform, Love/Hate, M/M, Masochism, Mind Games, Namie needs her wage raised for putting up with this tbh, Public Sex, Rough Sex, Shizaya - Freeform, Slow Burn, Suspicious Bakery Dates, Unexpected Plot Twists, also he may or may not have PTSD triggered by windows, dancing fleas, failing at being subtle, more dick jokes than ever, mystery porn, now with added pain, sassy digital informant wars, sexy switching battles of doom, will Izaya ever let anyone in Ikebukuro rest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-05
Updated: 2016-07-04
Packaged: 2018-07-21 15:20:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7392853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemoninagin/pseuds/lemoninagin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Heiwajima Shizuo has found himself entangled in many chaotic situations throughout his life, but never has he experienced anything more tumultuous than the intricate web of deceit and lust weaved by one, Orihara Izaya.</p>
<p>[sequel to Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Like the Twisted Strands of Rope

**Author's Note:**

> Wow. So what a way to celebrate Independance Day for America by providing free porn, amirite? Such a land of opportunities!
> 
> Haha. Well, it is officially the one year anniversary of my original release of Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained. I know, I know, this seemed like the ever elusive sequel, but it’s finally here! Now, to see if anyone is even still interested in it after all this time, yikes...
> 
> For any new readers, this is the fourth part in my Informant Samba series, and it is the direct sequel to Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained. If you have not read those parts first, THIS WON'T MAKE A LICK O' SENSE. So reading the others is highly encouraged if you haven't already~
> 
>  
> 
> On another note, I am back to using proverbs for chapter titles as well. Yeah, yeah, silly titles are being foregone in the hopes that I can put actual meaning, symbolism, and (somewhat) serious plot into this. I know, I know no more inspiring titles like the infamous and very deep “Eat a dick, Izaya” :(
> 
>  
> 
> To explain the story title: Taken from 禍福はあざなえる縄の如し[kafuku wa azanaeru nawa no gotoshi] - fortune and misfortune are like the twisted strands of a rope. Fortune and misfortune go hand in hand. Basically they are intertwined in a way that one cannot go without the other.
> 
>  
> 
>  This chapter's title: 釣った魚は餌をやらない [tsutta sakana wa esa o yaranai] - There is no need to feed a fish once it has been caught. (i.e. after you have hooked a man/woman, you can take him/her for granted). In other words, Izaya is an asshole, as usual.
> 
>  
> 
>  This chapter is rated MDHPR, for Mildly Disturbing Harry Potter References. Consider yourself forewarned.

 

  
  
“I can't believe I actually listened to you. What in the world am I even doing here...god damn it...”

 

“Yeah, you know, I'm a bit surprised myself. All it took was mentioning cake and you were instantly sold. You should tread more carefully in the future – you're like a child who just jumps into a stranger's van at the promise of candy. Someone really awful is going to take advantage of that naivety someday, Shizu-chan. You really ought to be more self-aware.”

 

Orihara Izaya sat across from Heiwajima Shizuo at a table in a quaint bakery on the outskirts of Harajuku. In front of Izaya was a small slice of dark chocolate cake, which he was nibbling on tentatively as if it was some strange, exotic food he had never tasted before. The corners of his mouth were drawn up into a mischievous grin as he pressed a tiny morsel between his lips, relishing the way Shizuo tensed and scowled at his words, a deep frown ingrained on his face. Shizuo was much more enthusiastic about his treats, at least – he had a mango parfait and a large piece of strawberry cake that he was practically shoveling down his throat.

 

Shizuo rubbed his temples, and he was 100% positive it had nothing to do with brain freeze from scarfing down his parfait, although he  _ was _ desperately trying to numb out the obnoxious voice across from him. He paused in his attempt to choke himself to death on sweets so he could retort, swinging his spoon out to point in an accusatory way at Izaya.

 

“Yeah, like right now. It's you. You are that awful person, Flea. What the fuck do you even  _ want _ anyway...? Weren't you satisfied enough with, ya know...” Shizuo waved his hand airily as he struggled to bring up the forbidden topic in broad daylight around the public eye, “...er,  _ hanging out _ last night? And why the  _ hell  _ are you offering to take me out to eat all of the sudden? Ugh. So fuckin' annoying.”

 

Stuffing another chunk of velvety cake into his mouth, Shizuo focused on the sweetness to soothe his irritated nerves. If anything, Izaya's smirk only grew wider as he set his spoon down and pushed his plate to the side so he could place his hands under his chin. He leaned onto the table as he laced his fingers together, causing a dark cascade of silky strands to fall forward to further frame his face. Izaya looked up at him from under the curtain of his hair and Shizuo gulped, trying to convince himself that the lump in his throat was from inhaling too much cake and not because of the flirtatious look the pest was currently giving him from beneath his stupid, pretty dark eyelashes.

 

“I only wanted to do something nice for you for once. It is really that suspicious?” Izaya spread his arms out wide, trying to accentuate the fact that he was somehow an innocent altruist, “Shizu-chan is so bad at accepting generosity! I was thinking...we're always just  _ fucking _ , you know?” 

 

Izaya emphasized the word 'fucking' with a deeply seductive inflection that was louder than the rest of his sentence, and he had to hold back a laugh when Shizuo blanched and looked around worriedly, sinking lower in his seat. The glare he threw at Izaya was pure fire, wistfully hoping that he could burn Izaya’s face off if he stared long enough.

 

“Well, sometimes that gets boring. I thought maybe we could do a little more of the  _ friend _ part of the 'friends with benefits' arrangement, yeah?”

 

Izaya fluttered his eyelashes innocently and tilted his head as he waited for Shizuo to respond, removing one of his hands so that he could take a deep sip from a cup of green tea that he had ordered. He made sure to continue to maintain eye contact, gulping down the warm drink and hiding his smirk behind the mug when he noticed the familiar throb of a vein at Shizuo's temple.

 

Shizuo rolled his eyes at the awful bullshit continuing to flow from the man's mouth and sighed, wondering how he could have let it come to this.

  
  
  
  


♂♀

  
  
  
  


Shizuo's day had started out just like any other. He had woken up a little late, cursed profusely, bent a few stop signs on his way to work due to stress – the usual. Work had gone by surprisingly smoothly - he had only had to punch out about half of his clients (the other half having recognized him immediately and practically thrown their money at him while wailing out pathetically to 'spare them'). He had just been about to wrap it up with Tom and Vorona when that familiar, horrible voice lilted at him happily through the crowded streets of Ikebukuro.

  
  


It had been about three months. 

  
  


Three months since that terrible day that had only sent Shizuo's life into more disarray and confusion than he had ever thought was possible before. Three horribly long months since the pest had broken into his god damn apartment in the middle of the night and did god knows what to him while he slept. Three months since he had been forced to face head on the terrible realization that his arch-nemesis was ridiculously attractive. 90 freaking days of reliving that moment when Izaya had first pointed out how much he had wanted to fuck him – which he had done completely willingly in the end, and enjoyed with no regrets. Well, at least until he had woken up to more typical parasitic nonsense, but that hadn't exactly stopped him from fucking the shit out of Izaya that very next night. 

 

And the next night after that.

 

...and then over that weekend, too. 

 

Honestly, it had only been downhill from the point where he had willingly crossed that line and gone over to Izaya's apartment to confront him. It had started as a simple argument – Izaya had been pissed off from the texts Shizuo had sent him, and Shizuo had attempted to save face. He'd gone over with the full intention of blackmailing Izaya (and also beating him to a bloody pulp for daring to mess with his precious family photos), as he felt he so rightfully deserved. But then that full, jutting lip made an appearance again; Izaya's pretty face marred with lines of worry and resentment.

 

For some reason it hadn't made Shizuo as happy as it usually did.

 

There were no false tears, but...Shizuo couldn't keep his nerve up. He wasn't like Izaya, he couldn't aimlessly threaten to get his kicks - especially when his reasoning was mostly due to the abstract ache of an unfamiliar emotion that had enveloped him when he had rolled over to pull Izaya closer into him the morning before, only to jolt upright when his hand fell through air instead, somewhat disoriented as he stared at his bed in shock blearily for a moment. 

 

At first he had thought it had been a dream (one long, horrible nightmare, more like) until he had wearily pulled himself to the bathroom and got a glimpse of flea graffiti scrawled across his forehead. His cigarettes, too, were in the toilet – the bastard hadn't even had the heart to leave at least one behind so he could remove the horrible aftertaste of bitterness and regret still lingering in his mouth.

 

What  _ had _ he been expecting? Shizuo had thought about it dozens of times since the incident, and he still wasn't sure. It  _ had _ only been a night of extreme sexual tension bursting into an array of unbridled passion – certainly not a contract by any means. In fact, Shizuo found Izaya just as irritating and conniving as he ever had. 

 

It was as if nothing had really changed, besides the fact he was banging the ever-loving shit out of him every chance he got. Since then, however, night after night Shizuo still felt like he was signing a contract in his own blood repeatedly, giving all he had while the flea only took and took like the leech he was.

 

The argument then had escalated regardless, Shizuo's temper always overriding his heart and mind, and there was a flash of metal, a tangle of limbs and muscles moving as memory took over and danced that familiar dance of hatred - dodging punches and heavy objects, yelling insults, slashing aimlessly at skin that barely tore. Except this time, the flea had changed the script so much to the point the damage done the night before was permanent and undeniably irreversible.

 

It was a blur, it really was – Shizuo's mind had been infiltrated by a deep fog ever since he had woken up cold and alone. The next thing Shizuo had known, he was pulling at Izaya's hair and shoving him into walls as they both viciously tore into each other's lips, fingers grabbing and groping frantically at too-hot skin, teeth knocking against bone and ripping aimlessly at flesh – and then, it was like Shizuo had blacked out, and when he came to, he was pounding into Izaya intensely against the giant window in his apartment, shallow knife wounds still bleeding over his tattered clothes as Izaya's own clothes were torn to literal shreds. The only clear thing in his mind after that point was the bitter taste of blood on his tongue and the pretty ear-piercing shrieks of Izaya screaming at the top of his lungs in unrestrained pleasure. 

 

Too bad it had been dark.

 

Shizuo would have  _ loved _ to put on another show.

 

That second time had officially solidified his conviction – Shizuo had gotten the sinking feeling then that that was only going to be the tip of the iceberg. And it had been, because the more Shizuo fucked Izaya, the more he seemed to instigate him, doing weirder and weirder things like appearing out of nowhere to provoke him so they ended up frantically screwing on a whim down some alleyway (it seemed the pest really  _ did _ get off on being exposed in public), or just sitting outside the door to his apartment waiting for him when he got back from work (and for some reason  _ not _ picking the locks), twirling his hair innocently as if he fully knew ahead of time that Shizuo was going to yank him up by the shirt and slam him against a wall as soon as he dragged him inside.

 

Any tenderness Shizuo had felt towards Izaya that first time had completely evaporated after that second night, because Izaya's screaming was even more beautiful the more fervently he fucked him, and this revelation was like a drug he was completely and utterly addicted to. Shizuo also wasn't too quick to forget the emptiness of barren sheets and too-light mattresses, and even though he didn't know  _ why _ he had been disappointed before he got angry that first morning after, he couldn't help but instantly feel betrayed even though it hadn't been much of a surprise.

 

No matter the bruises and welts and bite marks – Izaya howled every time, begged for more each second, and Shizuo was moved by this fact, because every second that mouth was occupied with singing sweet melodies of insatiable desire was one more glorious moment in time Shizuo didn't have to hear stupid bullshit.

 

Despite all this, Shizuo wasn't brutal enough to go in dry, nor was he interested in tearing Izaya apart from the inside out. There was that faint memory of Izaya's face scrunched in fear that always flashed in the back of his mind - ingrained there forever - and Shizuo was able to keep that part of his restraint intact no matter what. 

 

Even though Izaya's cruelty was more than wearing him down over time, Shizuo wouldn't have been able to forgive himself if he left the man with blood running down his thighs and tears covering his face. That frightening image alone was enough to make his stomach churn and his head spin. In the end, no real damage had been done – well, except that to his own self-respect, rapidly tearing down every time Shizuo gave into his lust despite knowing better than to reveal that opening of vulnerability to someone as toxic as Izaya.

 

Before Shizuo knew it, one week had turned to two in this manner. And almost every other day, like clockwork – fuck, instigate, fight, fuck, instigate, fight. An endless cycle of hatred, violence, and blistering passion.

 

Shizuo was still baffled. He had never figured out what had driven Izaya to provoke this particular game of intimacy in the first place, and he was only getting more confused as time went on and Izaya kept coming back for more and more in his typical migraine-inducing fashion.

 

There was  _ something _ Izaya was after, and Shizuo was bent on discovering what it was (and well, he still had that bit of leverage if he ever decided to be fed up enough to follow through with it), but for the time being he was only falling further into the trap of honey, tainted with a noticeable poison that he was trying to ignore because of the sweet aftertaste and intoxicating rush it left in his veins – and it was never,  _ ever _ enough.

 

It had come to the point he could no longer say no to Izaya, especially during the rare times where he was actually direct with him. So when that aggravating tone had called to him, he had answered and followed like an obedient dog, despite the weird looks he knew Vorona and Tom were most likely giving him as he had walked away from his real friends and trotted down the road side by side with his supposed enemy.

  
  
  


♂♀

  
  
  


“Izaya. We're not friends. I honestly don't know what the fuck we  _ are  _ exactly, but I know what we're  _ not  _ – and if one thing's for sure above all else at this point, you are  _ not _ my fucking friend. So cut the crap. What do you want?”

 

Izaya leaned back in his chair again and cocked his head to the side, feigning a small pout.

 

“Oh, so now I only want something whenever I'm with you? Can't we just spend some quality time together? I don't think this is all that bad, you know. Just you, me, everyone else in the bakery – really sets the mood a lot more now, don't you think so?”

 

Izaya chose to conveniently ignore the fact that Shizuo had just denied they were anything more than enemies. Shizuo sighed. His treats were long gone now and there was nothing to help stave off his rapidly growing annoyance. With a twitch of his eyebrow and a clench of his hands, Shizuo tried to focus on digging his fingernails into his own flesh instead of leaning over and ripping off Izaya's head like he really wanted to. He didn't want to scar any of the young children that were currently around them with any public displays of ~~violence~~ affection.

 

“You know what? I'm getting pretty sick of this shit. I'm glad you at least had the decency to take me out here where no one knows us, and thanks for the cake and all, but I know you just want to fuck. So quit playing around and be direct, if that's what you wanna do.” 

 

Shizuo snorted and spread his arms out in exasperation, figured there was no reason to not be honest, but when he said 'fuck' it was barely above a whisper. 

 

“It's not like I'm gonna say no. Although, I have to say this is pretty weird, even for you. But I mean, why  _ else _ would you be wasting your time treating me to desserts if not for some ulterior motive? God, you're such a pain in my ass.”

 

Izaya turned his attention to his fingernails, inspecting them nonchalantly to emphasize how level headed he was continuing to be while Shizuo was just getting angrier.

 

“The feeling is mutual, although you are  _ literally  _ a pain in mine. But I'll let that one slide, Shizu-chan, because it's a really good kind of pain.” 

 

Izaya lifted his gaze back to Shizuo, his mouth wrought into a thin line as he scoffed at him.

 

“And  _ hmph _ , Shizu-chan makes it seem like  _ I'm  _ the only one who wants to fuck! Is his brain too tiny to remember all the times  _ he _ came to  _ me _ looking for some fun?”

 

Those particular words provoked one of Shizuo's tightly-bound fists to come crashing down onto the table with a  _ slam _ , and Izaya pushed himself away, not wanting to get broken shards of wood stuck in his legs. It appeared he was safe for now, though – Shizuo hadn't been using his full strength, as the table only cracked slightly but didn't fully break. At the show of that spark, Izaya’s eyes lit up like an excited child who'd just been told they could pick out a shiny new toy. He was sure this was going to end very interestingly, just as he had predicted.

 

“What-the-fuck-ever! Name one goddamn time-,” Izaya perked up immediately and opened his mouth but Shizuo cut him off with a growl, “- _ other _ than that second night, that I came to you first _ without  _ being provoked in some manner!”

 

“The other day, of course. You chased me down the road. You  _ could  _  have just walked away, but nope, you just  _ had _ to follow me and then screw me up against a dumpster like the unruly beast you are.”

 

“What! I said  _ without _ being provoked - that was your fault and you know it, Flea! You planned that one out completely. Anyway, I'm always chasing you because I'm trying to  _ kill _ you, I've been doing that for a decade! It's not like I just started doing it, you fuckin' weirdo. That's a weak-ass argument.”

 

Izaya drew in a deep breath, the hint of a smirk trickling over his lips, and Shizuo gulped, knowing exactly where this was about to go. The more he argued, the more Izaya was likely to continue pouring out fallicies. Shizuo often referred to this phenomena as “Izaya’s Third Catch-22” [1].

 

“My fault, huh? Wow, take some responsibility, Shizu-chan! So what, you just happened to fall and somehow your dick just  _ magically _ entered my ass? Is that what you're trying to say here?”

 

“Fuckin! I, no-”

 

“Am I a wizard now, Shizu-chan? Is my asshole some sort of otherworldly force that draws your dick in against your own will? Am I using some sort of mind control spell that brainwashes you to lick my balls and moan my name when you cum?”

 

“Izaya, jesus! Keep your voice down!”

 

Shizuo flushed heavily, wishing he could disappear through the floor when a nearby aghast mother covered her child’s ears as Izaya’s obnoxious voice rose. The woman glared at them, then grabbed her protesting child by the arm and stalked off out of the restaurant. A few other people noticed and were starting to stare as well.

 

“Should I change my name to Harry, Shizu-chan? Are you insinuating then, that that would essentially make you Voldemort?”

 

There was a manic look in Izaya’s eyes, clearly thriving off of his human’s disgusted reactions as others began to overhear him. Some were chuckling, others were covering their mouths in shock. Shizuo looked wonderful, painted in at least five different shades of red.

 

“Do you see my asshole as basically like my horcrux, and therefore that's the reason why you're always trying to destroy it? Ne, is this what I'm supposed to assume is happening here, Shi-zu- _ chan _ ?”

 

“GODDAMN IT WOULD YOU SHUT THE HELL UP!” Shizuo screamed as he stood up in a fit of rage, and Izaya giggled as he put a hand to his mouth, eyes glinting with sated mischief. Noticing that his yelling had only attracted them more attention, Shizuo's cheeks flushed and he quickly sat back down. He lowered his voice to a low, rough grumble as he continued to talk.

 

“People are starting to stare, would you cut it out with the lewd comments! There are families with kids here...” 

 

Shizuo glanced around him, feeling very self-conscious as they were undeniably out of place for such a family-friendly business. Somehow, he had the feeling this was all part of Izaya's master plan with taking him out as well. Shizuo lowered his voice again, this time to a whisper.

 

“Also, what the ever-loving  _ fuck _ ?! Since when does Voldemort  _ ass fuck  _ Harry Potter at  _ his _ command, I don't remember that being in the –  _ Oh _ . Oh, I get it. [2] Haha, very fucking funny! Your jokes are literal shit!”

 

Izaya opened his mouth to blabber, and again Shizuo beat him to it, already knowing what he was going to say.

 

“And yes, I do mean  _ literal _ , because if your jokes had a physical form, they'd be an actual heaping pile of shit!”

 

Izaya frowned. He supposed he couldn't really argue with that. Shizuo continued again, happy with the way Izaya silently closed his gaping jaw in defeat. 

 

“Anyway, speaking of asses, the  _ fuck _ is up yours today?! 'Cause it ain't my dick for once, so you can't keep using that as an excuse!”

 

Izaya chuckled, smoothing back his hair and switching to a tone of voice that was suddenly less maniacal, and more the type he used around Shizuo in the rare attempts when he tried to placate him.

 

“Shizu-chan, calm down. I'm not actually mad, it's just too easy to provoke you, honestly. I don't even have to try. And relax, we're in Harajuku. No one's going to recognize us.” Shizuo’s frown deepened at that. They might have been fairly far from Ikebukuro, but not Shinjuku. “Besides, if you were  _ really _ worried about that, you should have worn something else. I mean, really now, you couldn't have changed before you left? You look ridiculous, as usual.”

 

He gestured to Shizuo's usual bartender attire with a severely judgy air. Although he was wearing a light black blazer over it due to the cold weather that day, his uniform definitely stood out among the other patrons in the store. Izaya was being stupid, it’s not like he even gave him time to change in between urging him to follow him after work.

 

“Whatever. Ugh. That time  _ still _ wasn't  _ my _ fault.” 

 

After everything, Shizuo still felt like he couldn’t let their previous conversation go completely, despite the fact about half the restaurant now either seemed to be leaving or giving them a wide berth. Shizuo began to tick off his points on his fingers as he spoke between gritted teeth.

 

“You purposefully wore that weird spandex shirt and those tight ass pants – oh yeah, and also conveniently you didn't have underwear on! And then you were bending over every chance you got while we were running, which I'm pretty sure you were putting a lot of extra effort into since parkour doesn't need slutty movements like that to be effective. And maybe I'm not as much as an expert as you, but I know for a  _ fact _ it also doesn't involve twirling around telephone poles and rubbing up against them like a stripper! I'd like to see you explain how humping a pole is necessary when you're running from me! So don't act so innocent. I know what you're trying to do!”

 

“Gross, Shizu-chan really is a beast...blaming me for not being able to control your nasty instincts. Do you know what kind of people blame their victims for what they were wearing, huh?”

 

Shizuo put his head in his hands and groaned, the usual throbbing beginning to pulse behind his eyes in irritation. If only the fucker would just shut  _ up _ .

 

“Don't you fucking say it, Flea. Fuckin'...just don't. Not again. It's been  _ several _ god damn months already! I swear, you still bring this up like every other day! Can't you just drop it?!” he hissed from between his fingers.

 

“Rapists. Rapists say that sort of stuff, Shizu-chan. Don't talk like that. Consent is sexy, remember? I think you really do have brain damage, Shizu-chan, maybe you should get that checked out. You probably popped a blood vessel there from overworking it or something.”

  
  


Although Shizuo knew he was going to say something along those lines, he just couldn't let it go. There really was no limit to how disgusting Izaya could be. He raised his head with a dangerous warning glint in his eyes that Izaya almost voiced an audible gasp at, his gaze so intense and piercing a light thrill ran through him at how beautiful Shizuo was like this – raw and burning with anger just for him, because of him.

 

It was too bad his brutish, chastising words were completely ruining the moment.

 

“You fucking piece of  _ shit _ ! Quit throwing that word around so lightly! Rape is  _ not _ funny, so stop talking about it like it's some elaborate joke you have! It's the lowest form of humor and a lame attempt at pissing me off. As far as I'm concerned, it's just a stupid excuse for you to say more dumb bullshit instead of actually speaking about what's on your mind.”

 

Izaya puffed out his cheeks at being scolded and called out so harshly, mouthed a soft 'whatever' while he thrummed his fingertips on the table in mild irritation, turning his head away. Not only was he embarrassed he couldn't think of anything clever to snap back with, but his face felt hot, too hot – that handsome gaze directed at him affecting him with the usual blistering arousal, and wasn't it just his luck he couldn't just have the monster take him there because of his stupid need to carry out his newest plan?

 

Maybe it was because he hadn't really said anything else, but Shizuo felt his anger receding again at his surprisingly successful attempt at shutting the tick down and possibly pissing him off. He took a moment to inspect and relish in the subtle pieces of body language that gave his irritation away – the tiny downturn and thinning out of his lips, the absent tapping of his fingers, a slight furrow in his eyebrows...

 

...the light flush of his cheeks?

 

Shizuo tilted his head, confused, and Izaya could feel his gaze practically drilling into him. He grasped his cup again and brought it to his lips so he could fill the awkward silence and busy his hands with something other than scratching the surface of the table. It wasn't doing much to help his case. At the same time, a horrible thought came to Shizuo, realization spreading across his face. He immediately felt nauseous.

 

_ No, it couldn't be... _

 

_...could it? _

 

“Flea, you...” Shizuo cleared his throat, fumbling with his napkin for a moment, and the movement caught Izaya's attention again. He quirked an eyebrow at him, surprised at how Shizuo suddenly seemed flustered after having been so angry.

 

“...you...you...got some kinda weird ass  _ crush  _ on me or something, don't you..? That's what this has all been about, right? That's why you're always following me around and provoking me, and why you're treating me to sweets now, huh?” 

 

Izaya didn't respond immediately, and Shizuo took that as a silent confirmation rather than the fact that Izaya was actually so filled with disgust at the accusation he couldn't even find his voice for once. Shizuo exhaled loudly, shaking his head and running a hand through his hair as he tried to find the perfect words to reject a flea with.

 

“God, I have the worst luck. Well, let me turn you down easy right here and now so you don't get any weird ideas – no. A thousand times and forever, no. Fuck you. Never happening.”

 

Izaya recovered quick, because curse this ridiculously stupid protozoan – how  _ dare _ he even begin to think someone as amazing as him would fall for some disgusting, empty-headed  _ monster _ ?

 

“But, Shizu-chan - “

 

“Don't care what dumb feelings you got, Flea. You're a piece of shit. Yup. Scum of the earth. Literal vermin.”

 

Unfortunately for Izaya, he couldn't even get a word in edgewise this time around. 

 

“Shizu-chan, geez, would you let me  - “

 

“I hate you so fucking much. And I wish you were dead. Even when I'm fucking you, I still wish you were dead.”

 

“ _ What _ ?” Izaya's eyes opened wide, amusement mixing back in with his annoyance, because Shizuo really just was too much sometimes. “Really? Sick! I didn't know Shizu-chan was into necro- “

 

“Don't try to twist my words! I hate you, I really do. Sex is one thing, but wanting to do romantic things with me? God, you’re pervertedness really knows no bounds,” Shizuo gave him a sympathetic, pitying look, one hand cupped under his chin as he thought about what to do, “Well, maybe it’s for the best we cut this off here so you don’t go getting any more emotional on me. Seriously, this explains so much bullshit, I can’t believe I never noticed this - “

 

“Shizu-chan!” Izaya yelled, finally grabbing his attention with the uncharacteristically loud volume. “Christ, would you let me get a word in! That's not it at all. Trust me when I say this - you have  _ zero _ redeeming qualities outside of your dick, alright? So don't flatter yourself!”

 

Shizuo gaped, hand droppping back to his side, eyes widening slightly.

 

“Oi, the fuck? You just yelled at  _ me  _ for supposedly objectifying  _ you _ , and now you're saying I'm only good for my dick?!”

 

“I'm just being honest for once. Also, I thought you'd be relieved. What the hell are you so upset for, anyway? You don't even want us to be friendly, so you definitely don't want us to be...like  _ that _ .”

 

The two shared a look at the terrible insinuation, and Izaya didn't need to clarify because they both felt horrified at just the thought of such a thing. Izaya shook his head, continuing to try and regain the upper hand again while Shizuo was shocked into silence for the time being.

 

“Geez, here I am, being nice and generous and you tell me to fuck off and say we're not friends, then get mad when I say I only like your dick? That's what you  _ want _ , is it not? And by the way, your massive dick is what I keep coming back for in the first place, you idiot!  _ Not _ your wonderful and oh-so-charming personality, or your interesting and riveting monstrous life. It's your giant  _ cock _ . ”   
  


Even though somewhere tucked away in the back of his mind Shizuo had guessed that was what Izaya was really after, he couldn't help but feel humiliated by his words. Knowing that his enemy was just continuing to use him as he always was bad enough, but now it was even worse because he was using him for his body like he was some cheap whore as well. Izaya gave a smirk so sharp it probably could have shattered glass, malicious intent oozing with every new cruel word that he began spouting off, encouraged with the way Shizuo had flushed and recoiled in his seat.

 

_ “ _ Your cock is...well, it's amazing. Really, it feels incredible. The best I've ever had, honestly – and that's out of a lot, mind you, so you should feel proud about that one. Ah, if only you weren't so mind-numbingly  _ stupid _ , maybe I  _ would _ even like you a bit, since you do have a handsome face, too. Ah, what a waste of a good body when there's no mind to speak of! It really is a shame.”

 

Only Izaya could make even a compliment sound so insulting.

 

Izaya cast his gaze down, trying his best to look utterly broken-hearted, and it was the perfect ignition to fan that flame back to life. Shizuo rose from his seat again with a roar, and it didn't matter much to keep his anger in check as he noticed that all patrons had completely left now, both out of fear and out of disgust for the explicit things they'd been talking about at an increasingly louder volume over time.

 

So naturally, Shizuo took that opportunity to pick up his chair and fling it directly at Izaya's stupid face. Izaya caught the twitch of muscle indicating Shizuo was going to swing his projectile at him and successfully ducked right as the seat made its arc down towards his head. He tucked himself into a roll away from the table and quickly rose again, shifting his weight to the balls of his feet in case he needed to make a rapid escape. The chair made a frightful impact with where he'd just been sitting, and both exploded into a thousand tiny pieces of jagged wood splinters that subsequently rained all around them.

 

From the back they heard a few screams from the waitstaff, who obviously had no idea who these horrible men were that drove away all their business and now were destroying their property. Izaya caught the gaze of one waitress who was frantically pulling out her phone and trying to dial a number with heavily trembling fingers, but she caught his stare and froze in fear. 

 

Izaya shook his head and motioned with his hands, trying to relay the message for her to hold off because he would handle it. He winked and gave a charming smile, and he saw her relax a bit, some tension easing away as she stood up and let the arm holding her phone fall limply to her side. She continued to watch the shitstorm in awe silently from the sidelines.

  
“Seriously? You want to know why I'm  _ upset _ ?” 

 

Shizuo's chest heaved in fury as he growled out the words, his vision starting to cloud with a blood lust he desperately needed to sate. Izaya drew out his knife, holding it firmly in front of him as he narrowed his eyes, and Shizuo laughed at the weak defense. He cracked his neck, started advancing towards Izaya slowly with a horrifically manic-grin tugging up his lips, looking like some sort of deranged butler.

 

“Please,” Izaya shrugged his shoulders and tipped his chin up haughtily, “do elaborate,  _ monster. _ ”

 

“I'm  _ upset _ because you act like you didn't just say a bunch of bullshit! Oh,  _ I'm _ a  _ beast _ when I'm looking at  _ you _ in a sexual manner when you are  _ purposefully  _ trying to seduce  _ me _ , but then you say shit like 'Ooo Shizu-chan, your dick is the best and basically you're just a giant slab of meat to me with no brain', and that's just you being you and completely okay?!” 

 

Shizuo swung a fist suddenly as he charged towards him, which Izaya casually side stepped, giggling when Shizuo's hand ran straight into the wall behind him instead. Shizuo wasn't phased by the miss at all, pulling his arm out of the crater he had created in the plaster casually and turning back to stride over to Izaya again. Some more surprised screams came from the staff, who were all too scared to even do anything other than huddle together behind the counter and watch it all go down, while at the same time being terribly confused at the weirdly sexual conversation they were having.

 

Shizuo pried a nearby table from off its bolts in the ground and flung it at Izaya, who had to make much more of an effort to dodge it this time due to its huge mass. It whizzed towards him at an incredible rate, crushing everything that lay in its path and sending a whirlwind of debris, glass, and wood flying about into the air and making the area all the more dangerous. Izaya utilized another side step and a series of back flips off to his left, which accidentally placed him so that he bumped into the poor waitress from earlier. She cried out as she began to topple over backwards and Izaya bent over out of both reflex and because a great idea had just struck him. 

 

He extended his hand to catch her right before she went crashing to the floor and pushed her up by applying force against the small of her back while he was still bent behind her. The table had ended up crashing into another table which was followed by an extremely loud explosion, ending with several light fixtures becoming unhinged and blowing up, causing the light in the room to dim as bulb after bulb fizzled out. Shizuo gave another strangled war cry and snatched up a chair as he scanned the room to find Izaya amidst the dim and smoky interior. Once the dust settled somewhat, he spotted a flash of black and threw his weapon without so much as a second thought.

 

Meanwhile, Izaya used the momentum of his body twisting back up to toss the woman to the side forcefully as the chair came flying in their direction. This also aided him, as he was able to leap far enough away from the chair by pushing off one of the walls - although his real goal had been when he'd purposefully moved her in front of him, because Shizuo had gotten a perfectly clear view of her terrified face.

 

The woman shrieked as she spun wildly, then ended up falling over anyway as she lost her balance fully, landing on a nearby cushion that had flown off of one of the chairs and promptly fainting from the sheer shock of the situation. Shizuo noticed he'd inadvertently almost smashed some innocent woman with a chair, and he deflated, pausing in his rampage. His urge to physically hurt Izaya was still there, but the look of fear on the woman's face reinstated his restraint, and he stood there for a moment as he panted heavily, trying to get his rage back under a certain amount of control. Izaya smiled, knowing he'd won for the time being, and re-pocketed his knife.

 

“Ugh, what the fuck...you know what?!” Shizuo managed to huff through the clearing dust of the bakery that now looked more like a war zone. 

 

Izaya threw his hands in his pockets and smiled as if he hadn't been almost obliterated at least three times in the past ten minutes. The table Shizuo had thrown earlier had grazed a chandelier that was now hanging precariously by a few thin chords, and the resulting flickering light of it between them outlined Izaya's triumphant grin in a way that made him look like some crazed serial killer straight out of a horror movie.

 

“This is it! I'm  _ done _ . You can go fuck yourself from now on! Yeah. Just like that first night – 'Cept I'm not gonna be there!!”

 

Izaya cocked his head, satisfied by the interesting development that had taken place – he knew Shizuo would have lost his temper, but the way he had been dipping between anger and being a socially awkward mess was even more unpredictable than usual, and Izaya found himself pulled in again as he wondered what the reason behind such odd mood swings were. Shizuo was usually only one or the other – not both within rapid succession of each other.

 

Having banged his knee quite hard when a shard of wood had grazed his leg during one of his back flips earlier, Izaya grabbed onto a nearby table and pulled himself up on it to sit for a moment to relive the aching pressure of standing. With his legs dangling a few inches from the ground, he kicked his feet happily while he watched Shizuo continue to further embarrass himself, his arm rubbing the back of his neck in that all-too familiar indication that he was about to say something endearingly stupid again.

 

“...Um, because if I  _ was  _ there, I'd fuck you again. And that would be pretty bad, since I just said I'm done an' all. So. Uh, yeah. Go home and touch yourself, asshole!”

 

As soon as the words left his mouth, Shizuo instantly regretted his poor phrasing. He hadn't meant for it to sound like  _ that _ . Izaya stuck his nose up and made a disgruntled noise, as if he was bothered by Shizuo's weak threat.

 

“ _ Fine _ , maybe I  _ will  _ then!”

 

“ _ Good _ ! Touch yourself all night for all I care! Finger your own ass and stroke your own dick! 'Cause I'm over it!!”

 

Shizuo almost face palmed at the ridiculous words that were flowing out his mouth now – he was still angry about all the things Izaya had said and done over the course of the evening, and yet, here he was, telling the man to go touch himself and then promptly imaging him doing so. He groaned, trying to shake his head of the intrusive thoughts.

 

“Well, that's just too bad, Shizu-chan, because I'm  _ not _ ,” Izaya spat, shifting so his back arched just so, a small but sensuous movement Shizuo still managed to catch. “And you can't stop me from thinking of you while I do it either, since you won't be there and all, so  _ ha _ ! I still  _ win _ .”

 

Izaya leaned back on his hands, overjoyed at how easy it was to mess with Shizuo when he was like this. By the way the man's face was flushing, he barely even had to make any effort, already knowing what was probably going through Shizuo's head.

 

“Don't you fucking  _ dare  _ think of me while you touch yourself, you little shit! You better think of someone else or I'll...” Shizuo gulped and trailed off. Imagining Izaya picturing someone else fucking him only pissed him off more for some reason. “...wait. No.  _ Don't _ think of someone else! That's not right either. You  _ should _ think of me – yeah! So you will miss me even more at the time! That way, you might even cry while you do it! Serves you right!”

 

A new image of Izaya crying while jerking off instantly appeared in Shizuo's head, and he flushed deeply. Fantasy Izaya had tears streaming down his cheeks as he cried out in desperation for Shizuo's dick, his one hand fondling his cock as the other frantically plunged several fingers into his ass. Shizuo cursed at himself inwardly. What the fuck was he even saying anymore?!

 

“Alright, Shizu-chan, whatever you say. I'll just stay up _all_ night and _fuck_ _myself_ while I think about _you_. Maybe I'll even use a dildo, so I can at least pretend it's your gargantuan cock going into my ass and punishing me like I so deserve for being the _naughty_ little boy that I am.”

 

Izaya's words were only making everything way, way worse (and on top of that, he was using what Shizuo recognized as his bedroom voice, the one he usually reserved for begging and pleading with him to fuck him until he was incoherent). Shizuo's imagination had run so wild at that point a very vivid b-grade porno was already being directed in his head, complete with a writhing Izaya covered in cum, thrashing around and begging for more. He licked his dry lips, fumbled to try and right the incredibly wrong direction this had all gone in.

 

“Y-yeah! You  _ are _ naughty and you  _ do _ deserve to be punished - 'cause you're an asshole! Punished by all sorts of dildos and vibrators, and whatever the fuck else kinda freaky shit you have at your apartment! Which I have absolutely  _ no _ interest in  _ whatsoever _ , I'm just saying that you, ya' know, deserve to be fucked 'till you can't even stand up straight!! Er, except you  _ won't _ enjoy it and be in horrible pain that you hate...I...uh...” 

 

No, no, no, no! Shizuo shook his head to try and rid himself of all the new images he'd just ended up conjuring instead. Izaya grinned cheekily, impressed at how creative Shizuo was being with just the tiny bit of provocation he was giving him. He threw his semi-injured leg over the other and straightened his back out again, placing his hands just above his thighs and rubbing them lightly (but with just enough movement that Shizuo most definitely noticed and shifted on his feet).

 

“...I'm...I'm just saying, ugh...” 

 

Shizuo opened and closed his mouth several times in a hilarious impression of a mildly disoriented fish, until he settled for deciding to ditch out, because after all this nonsense there was really nothing else he could do anymore but admit defeat.

 

“...fuck it.  _ God _ , I hate you so fucking much, I'm...I'm leaving now!!”

 

Izaya smiled and waved, voice gratingly high-pitched to the point he sounded like a chipmunk. He waggled his fingers.

 

“Ok, Shizu-chan, see you later! I'll be sure to tell you all the gritty details about it after I'm done just so you know how terrible it was. Would you like me to take any pictures while I'm doing it? You know, just so you can make sure I'm  _ really  _ getting what's coming to me,  _ hard _ . Evidence is good, right?”

 

Shizuo had just turned on his heel when he paused at the offer, looking back over his shoulder. He scratched his head, thinking about Izaya spread out moaning and sweaty, the erotic moment captured in a nice digital photo...

 

“Uh...uh...sure? Yeah, that makes sense...I need proof, that's right!”

 

Then he realized that again, Izaya was goading him into a trap he had easily stepped right back into.

 

“...Wait - no, what the  _ fuck _ ?! That doesn't make sense at all! Quit trying to manipulate me! You are  _ so _ gross! I'm going!”

 

And with that, Shizuo turned his back and stomped off, willing himself to move his feet even though his entire body was screaming at him to turn around and fuck the little shit right there and then as hard as he could. He only paused for a moment as he finally noticed the wait staff was still there, and that they had witnessed all of their embarrassingly explicit conversation. He flushed deeply, muttered a low, ‘Sorry about...uh...everything’, and shuffled off as fast as his legs could carry him.

 

“See you tomorrow night then,” Izaya chirped after him, sliding off the table so he could brush off his clothes and relish the way Shizuo was stalking off stiffly, most likely due to sporting an impressive hard on, “Oh, or maybe later tonight, if you'd like to stop by and observe just to make sure I'm not having too much fun while I jerk off to you? Oh well, it's up to you of course. Hope your day gets better! Bye bye!”

 

To his surprise, Shizuo did actually leave, but Izaya knew he'd be back – this was something that happened nearly twice a week these days. Shizuo would get mad, say he was done and leave, but then by the next day he'd return – show up on Izaya's doorstep for once, although he claimed it was because Izaya had provoked him, not because he was doing it of his own volition.

 

Izaya chuckled to himself at how deep in denial Shizuo actually was. Before he turned to leave himself, he stretched to reinvigorate his semi-aching body, and then made his way over to the shocked crowd of employees who were still trying to recover from their respective adrenaline rushes.

 

“Ah, sorry about all the damage,” Izaya addressed them respectfully, making his voice sound as regretful as possible. He pulled out his wallet and placed a thick handful of 10000 yen bills [3] and a small 2x4 card on top of the rubble that lined the counter tops. The people only stared at him, still in a deep shock. 

 

“I think that should cover it for now, but if you need anymore, please don't hesitate to call me. Number's on the card. I believe that there's no need to make a fuss and contact the authorities over this, yeah?”

 

They all shook their heads, none daring to say a word and way too frightened to even consider such a thing. 

 

“Good. Well, take care.”

 

Izaya waved at them with a flick of his wrist and turned around, carefully stepping over rubble as he made his way towards the door. The glass had blown out of it, so he simply ducked and stepped through the frame. He practically skipped down the street, invigorated by the chilly autumn air, caressing crisp and sharp against his face. He began whistling while he pranced, a thrill of excitement rushing through him as he reflected on how amazingly his plan had gone down, much more successful than he could have ever guessed it would be.

 

_ Oh, Shizu-chan, you really don't put much effort into this, do you? Well, I hope you step up your game soon, because otherwise this will be no fun. _

 

The only sound that came after this thought was manic laughter - harsh cackling that reverberated menacingly around the buildings that could be heard by all his humans in the surrounding area, loud and clear, for a solid five minutes.

  
  
  


♂♀

  
  
  
  


“Stupid sexy flea and his stupid sexy ass...god damn it...now I can't stop thinking about him touching himself...fuck...why the fuck did I even say those things...ugh...” Shizuo grumbled to the quiet night air, grappling with his lighter and bringing it to the cancer stick perched between his lips. It ignited, and his shoulders lost some of their tension as he sucked back forcefully.

 

With an exhale of smoke and a sigh, he pulled his jacket tighter around him, the cold of the breeze leaving a strange deep chill in his weary bones.

 

Even if he didn't end up giving in and going to fuck the louse later that night, Shizuo knew he was only deluding himself, because for sure he would find his feet carrying him, defeated, to the man's doorstep sooner or later – it was inevitable and he knew Izaya knew this particular fact, too.

 

It was always this way no matter what, no matter how hard he tried to escape from this seductive snare that Izaya had weaved around him. It was wrong and it was hurting him in ways he couldn't really express, but he couldn't help himself – and truthfully, Shizuo didn't know if he even wanted it to ever end, this addiction that struck him to the core with a desire and passion he'd never known he was capable of feeling until he had started playing this dangerous game.

 

He gave a laugh that was empty of any sort of humor, his thoughts only riling up his annoyance again, and he kicked a rock that was in his path so hard that it jettisoned off and plunged straight through a lamppost, making a sizeable hole.

 

It was always sooner rather than later.

 

**Author's Note:**

> [1] A weird combination of Newton’s Third Law and a Catch-22. Poor Shizuo, he didn’t ask for this.
> 
> [2] Voldemort fucked Harry, but if you really think about it, it was Harry who had been screwing him all along. Horrible image, I know, but Izaya's crude like that, so send your complaints to him. I'm just the one transcribing his filthy mouth. ~~Also, they were _real_ enemies, not like that weak-ass Harry/Draco shit~~
> 
> [3] 10000 yen is about $100 USD. So yeah, considering it was a huge wad of cash, Izaya probably gave them around $10,000 at the very least.
> 
> Well, you all wanted this to continue, so some sacrifices had to be made for the sake of a decent story line. Get ready to visit pain-town, population – ALL OF YOU!
> 
> ...ah, who am I kidding? It's still got lots of dick jokes, fun times, and fluff, too ._. Now with just like, some side pain. 'Cause Izaya's still a massive dick ( _not_ the good kind), and Shizuo still hates him, and that was hardly going to change after _one_ night of deep, passionate dickin'. 
> 
> THAT AIN'T HOW MY FICS WORK UH UH NO SIR GOTTA KEEP IT SOMEWHAT REAL
> 
> Also, don't expect all the chapters to be this long. I just carried away and thought you all deserved something a little extra to kick this off with for your patient waiting. Hopefully it wasn't too excessive.


End file.
